Vaughn, the Superdad
by SonoftheSouth9194
Summary: When Chelsea goes out, Vaughn takes care of the house and their daughter. How will it end? Suckish summary, couples outlined in foreword. Slightly AU and mildy crappy. Enjoy! Oneshot.


**Attention! This piece of crud is slightly AU, as you'll notice. (Like for the fact the inhabitants of Sunny Island all happen to like a Southern metal band. Hey, I needed one!) I wrote this up when I was bored, so it might not be too exciting or funny. Also, there's hidding meanings with the last names. See if you can figure it out. Underlying VaughnxChelsea and Vaughn-Denny friendship, subtle DennyxLanna, ElliotxJulia, and MarkxNatalie. Also slightly OOC Vaughn, for obvious reasons. (PS: Savannah is the daughter of VonniexChels. The one I had, anyway. Except I had to spell it "Savana". Darn six letter slots.)**

**ALSO! As I've noticed myself and as one person pointed out to me, there's two mistakes in this. I didn't realize either of them when I wrote this due to ignorance.**

**Vaughn's Japanese name is actually Valuts, I'd seen it somewhere as Vaults and was misleaded. I've went back and changed those parts.**

**Vaughn loves his porridge cold. I didn't know this until I was wandering around a site for Sunshine Islands and read about it. That was after I posted this up, and a lovely reader pointed it out. If it bothers enough people(or me, particularly) I'll go back and rewrite that part. It still has to cook, though. Durf. **

**One more thing before I shut up... I know Vaughn hates the name Vaughny/Vaughnie/Vonnie. When Lanna calls him that. I think once he and Chelsea got close enough, he wouldn't mind it from her. **

* * *

"You're SURE you can handle it?" Chelsea's worried look sure didn't offer confidence.

"Come on, I've been through a lot. Takin' care of house, a few animals, and a little girl that's bein' fed steroids..." Vaughn paused to watch little Savannah run about the room, squealing in some made-up baby language. Chelsea laughed. "I've got it. Don't worry. Just go have sum fun, 'kay?" Vaughn pushed his wife out the door. "Go with Julia and Natalie into town. Get sumthan' nice. Get out!" He laughed.

"Fine, fine. You need anythin', though, call me. I've got my cell."

"Yeah, I know. Now go!"

Vaughn inhaled the scent of the house deeply as he shut the door and turned around. Savannah jumped off a bookcase and flew right by Vaughn's eyes. He quickly caught her and held her up to his eye level by her armpits.

"How did you..." He stared at the cute little leapfrog. "Ah never mind. Ya hungry?" As if she understood, she gave a baby kiss on his nose. "I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

Vaughn smiled smugly as he watched the pot simmer, making sure to stir it when needed. In the background he heard the TV going, playing _The Powerpuff Girls _in order to distract the little ball of energy. He also heard the load of laundry humming in the washing machine. This was all too easy.

"Chels is gunna be so surprised... and she doesn't even think I can handle our bankin' account with Chen." He paused his monologue to take in the sweet scent of the porridge he was making. Dinner for himself, naturally. He had already fed the baby. Speaking of which...

"What the? Savie?" Vaughn took his eyes off the cooking rice and looked down to his leg. Savannah sat clutching it with her arms and legs.

"Dada, I feel stinky!"

"Wut..." Vaughn's face dropped. Sure enough, he felt something squishy in her diaper - that was about to go on his bare foot and carefully ripped jeans. He groaned. "I just fed ya! Ya couldn't have digested THAT fast!" She looked at him confused. Another groan. He couldn't leave the porridge alone now, but if a few more minutes were taken with that diaper waiting, it was likely that Vaughn wouldn't be able to eat for weeks. _Well, I could change her on the kitchen table and work the porridge... no, I don't want her fallin' off. I could change her here on the counter... nah. Then my porridge will taste like crap. Literally._

If that weren't enough, he heard the washing machine buzzer go off. He had to get the clothes in the dryer before they got wrinkled or something like that. Whatever Chelsea rambled off before she left. Then he'd have to break out the ironing board. He shuddered, remembering what had happened at his last experience with the horrid thing. As punishment for making Chelsea miss the clothes cycle and not being able to put them in the dryer when needed, she made Vaughn iron them. It didn't end well. Vaughn brought his leg up as far as he could, Savannah still holding on. "I wouldn't be shocked if that was the night you were made," He said as if she understood what he meant. He sighed and lowered his leg, pondering his next move. To add to his troubles, the phone rang. Without even bothering to check the Caller ID, Vaughn picked up the cordless house phone, which thankfully was by the kitchenette.

"Vaughn here. Talk to me."

"VAUGHN! Dude! It's frickin' awesome!" Vaughn recognized the voice. It was his best friend, unfortunately.

"Denny? What do you want? I'm kinda busy here!"

"Uhn-cah Dan Dan!" Savannah squealed before returning to remind her father of her bathroom-related troubles.

"Was that Savie?" Denny sounded as if he were readying himself for baby talk.

"Yeah, I gotta lot ta deal with right now! Make it short and sweet!"

"Oh. Rose just crapped her diaper again." Denny muttered. Vaughn heard Lanna's voice in the background screaming, "What did you say!" He heard Denny sigh. "I'm sorry. I meant to say our precious little girl has just made a poopie." Normally Vaughn would have taken a chuckle out of Lanna's enforcement of choice of words, but his mind was occupied.

"You called to tell me that your kid filled her diaper?"

"NO! I mean... I said it was frickin' awesome. How is Rose crapping frickin' awesome?"

"GET TO THE POINT!"

"I just wanted to call to let ya know your favorite band's comin' down to play at that new auditorium!"

".... WHAT!"

"Yup! Turns out the island's getting a lot of tourists, so they figured it'd be a good place to set up."

"Maylene and the Sons of Disaster... HERE?"

"Yup! They're sellin' tickets now."

"Dude! Can you run up there and get me some?"

"No can do. Lanna's put me on diaper duty, no pun intended." Vaughn sunk. "You can call in and order tickets, ya know."

"I CAN'T! I'm trying to make me sum porridge, Savannah just pulled a Rose and used her diaper for a toilet, the washing machine's goin' off and I gotta transfer the clothes, I'm talkin' ta ya and Chels is out on a shoppin' trip with Juliah and Natalie!"

"Dang. Sounds like a lot on your plate. I'll make it easier on you."

"Seriously? Thanks, I gu -" Vaughn was cut off when the line went dead. Denny hung up on him. Vaughn could have punched him square in the jaw for that.

"DA DA!" The girl glued to his leg recaptured his attention. Vaughn groaned and turned the stove off. The porridge was nearly done anyway. He sat the pot and cordless on the table and picked up his daughter. Off to the halls.

* * *

"Yeah? This is Vaughn Valuts. I wanted ta know 'bout sum tickets..." Vaughn said to the guy on the phone, whoever had answered his call to the new auditorium. He was also running back and forth between the baby on the changing table and the washing machine, throwing a few articles of clothing in and working up his nerve to open the diaper.

"Tickets? Oh yes! For the concert." _No, the monkey parade, you dumb-_"Yes, we do have some left."

"Thank God. How much apiece?" Vaughn said, throwing some work jeans and Chelsea's bras into the dryer. As the representative checked the prices, Vaughn realized that the bras had to be hung up to dry. Just like her shirts, or they'd all shrink. "Dangit," He muttered to himself. He busied himself with that as the rep came back on.

"150G apiece."

"Okay, can I pre-order right now or whatever?" Vaughn mentally slapped himself. He was so busy with Chelsea's bras and concert tickets he forgot about Savannah.

"Yes, how many would you like?" Vaughn pondered this as he walked fast into Savannah's room across the hall.

"Can ya tell me who's already ordered? I need ta know if I need sum for some friends."

"Give me their names, please."

"Lessee... Denny and Lanna Kalil, Mark and Natalie Jackson, Elliot and Julia Jerrick, and umm... what the heck? Sabrina Philbin." The phone went silent as the rep leafed through the lists. Vaughn's stomach started to churn as he let one of the holders of her diaper open. And he had a very strong stomach. Thankfully, the rep came back on just in time.

"Every one of those names are on the pre-order list."

"Alright. Put me down for two tickets then."

"Names?"

"Vaughn and Chelsea Valuts." Vaughn's eyes watered as he reached for the other side. He let down the bottom part, unleashing a stench that reminded Vaughn of six-week-old roadkill. He gagged.

"I'm sorry, sir. Is 300G a problem?" The rep was confused by his gagging, apparently.

"Oh, no! No! I just.. never mind."

"I'll send someone out for the tickets."

"No! My wife's in town, just give them to her and she'll pay. I'll call and warn her."

"Where can we find her?"

"I'll tell her to go the auditorium."

"Alright, then. Good day, sir!" _Clink. _Another dial tone. Vaughn hung up and called Chelsea's cell while heading back to the washer to finish with the clothes.

"Hey, babe. I just wanna know there's sumthan' waitin' fer ya." He said as suavely as he could manage at the moment.

"VAUGHN?"

"NATALIE?"

"Urgh, Chels! It's for you!" While Vaughn waited for his wife to be hailed to the phone, he slide his end up between his cheek and shoulder while putting some more bras on hangers. His stomach churned like butter at the thought of Natalie hearing his flirts.

"Vonnie?"

"Thank God. Anyway, listen. Go down to the auditorium right after you get off tha phone with me."

"Why?"

"Maylene's comin' to the island and I got us tickets."

"Oh yeah, Natalie was tellin' me about that."

"Yeeaaah... I went ahead and got ours. Just give 'em yer name."

"Okay. How's everything going?" Vaughn just finished the laundry. He smacked the button on the dryer and it flickered to life.

"Just fine..." He lied as he went back to the baby's room. He was horrified when he saw the sight. He dropped the phone. He could hear Chelsea's voice screaming for him to tell her what was wrong, but his stomach churned even more. Apparently, leaving a baby alone with her filled diaper that was airing out wasn't good. She was poking and sticking her hand in... it. "Oh... my... GOD..."

"VAUGHN!" He reached for the phone.

"I-I'll call you b-back..." He clicked the phone off and gulped hard. He went over to his little daughter and picked her up as gingerly as he could, then ran into the bathroom where he plunked her down in the tub. He pulled her little top off and flung it in the dirty laundry basket across the hall. He didn't even want to think about the chocolate-looking surprise waiting for him to clean up in Savannah's nursery. He got the water running warm and tried his best to give her a quick clean down. He never actually washed Savannah. He was more of the camera guy. On top of lack of experience, her strong little arms kept flinging water - dirty, used water - into his face, making his silvery bangs plaster to his forehead. He was just thankful he wasn't wearing his hat. He just closed his mouth and eyes when he saw it coming and continued scrubbing. Then he started mumbling to himself.

"Never shoulda... moved here... never shoulda... got a job here... never shoulda... fell in love... then got married... then made this little bringer of all that is digested..." He looked upon the happy little girl. _Well, at least one of us is havin' fun. _He opened his mouth to rant some more - and at the wrong time. Dirty water flung straight into his mouth. He gagged and choked, tears pouring down his cheeks from lack of air. He crawled his way over to the sink(since he was on his knees) and reached up for the rinse cup for brushing teeth. Since he had the advantage of being tall, he was able to get himself a glass of some water. Instead of just rinsing the used water out, he accidentally swallowed it. That wouldn't have been so bad if the rinse cup was in need of its weekly cleaning and was lined with toothpaste. That only made him gag harder. Then he realized his baby was still in the tub. He shut the water off, picked her up by her armpits over the tub, and let her rear end drip dry. He wrapped her up in a towel and carried her off to her room. He sat the bundled little girl in her crib, where hopefully she couldn't deal any damage. He then proceeded to deal with the diaper as fast and odorless as he could, nearly throwing up and using two cans of Febreeze in the process. Once he closed the little trash can by the the changing table, he felt relieved. The only thing left was to dress Savannah. How hard could that be?

After fifteen tries of trying to get the diaper on her, a few including accidentally fastening it to himself, he finally got the diaper set right(once he read the directions on the box of Pampers). He then looked through the mini dresser next to the changing table. _Chels left nuthan' out when she was pregnant and planning, that's for sure. _He went through each drawer and picked something out. _Lord, this is easy. _After wrestling with the girl to get the clothes on, he stood back and admired his work. Savannah had on a blue shirt that had a picture of three butterflies, lime green denim shorts, and bright red sandals. _Yup, I got this down. _Savannah looked down at her new outfit and gave him a whiny look.

"Da da... no go 'gether!" He cocked his head, then shook it. He had no idea that even she could tell something was wrong with his choice of baby clothes. Now for her hair... he fingered a small lock, still amazed how the color was exactly his own. Chelsea always liked to put some little thing up in her hair. So what was he going to do?

Five minutes later he had her hair full of barrettes. He folded his arms and admired his work. Savannah looked up at him with pleading blue eyes.

"Alright, come on, you little rugrat. Let's go see what's on the death-by-reality-show box before ya mama gets home."

* * *

"MY PORRIDGE!" Vaughn screamed when he realized he had left his dinner out. He tried a bite - ice cold. He sighed and made sure Savannah was preoccupied with the TV. He rooted around in the fridge for something to eat. _Chels, come home and save me. This cowboy's a moron._

* * *

Vaughn sat on the couch, murmuring to himself as he picked at a ham sandwich. Savannah, decked out in her "Daddy-dressed-me" attire, sat next to him, watching the pretty colors on the television.

"So much for makin' her childhood good. Thirty years from now she's gunna be tellin' her kids how her dad let her play with her own crap as a baby..." He mumbled. When the last bite of his sandwich was down his throat, he heard someone knocking on the door. He looked up at the window - sure enough, it was dark outside. He got up and opened the door, and was greeted with a fond kiss.

"Chels, baby! Why'd you come back again?" He teased.

"Oh, very funny. How's my - oooh!" Chelsea looked at poor little Savannah, who cried out a desperate "ma-ma". "Oh, my baby!" She dropped her many bags and picked up her little girl.

"I dressed 'er," Vaughn said, folding his arms and seeming proud of himself.

"I... can tell," Chelsea said worriedly, looking at the poor baby in her arms, silently pleading to be changed by her mother. "Soo... how did it go?"

"Oh, it was great. Told ya I could handle it."

"That's great! You fed Savie, right?"

"Yup, and it ran through her digestive track like... well, it was fast." Chelsea couldn't help but laugh. As she cuddled Savannah closer and Vaughn started to move the bags in, she moved down her mental checklist.

"So, you do a load of laundry?"

"Yup. Even remembered to hang yer bras up." Vaughn tried to keep from busting out laughing at that. He stared at the mountain of stuff she'd bought.

"Good boy. What about givin' Savie a bath?" Vaughn froze. Had it not been for the diaper bomb incident, he would have forgotten about that. He thanked God for that incident.

"Oh, yeah. She's the cleanest thing in this house, that's fer sure." Chelsea playfully rolled her eyes.

"What about making you somethin' to eat? I don't want you going hungry."

"I ate, dun worry."

"So I guess you fed the animals, too?"

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

* * *

**So, how did you like it? Funny? Interesting? Or will you quote Vaughn: "CRAAAAAAP!" **

**The last names' are as follows, see if ya got 'em right:**

**Vaughn and Chelsea Valuts - Vaughn's name in the Japanese game.**

**Denny and Lanna Kalil - A mix of Kai and Lily, Denny's lookalike and Lanna's Japanese name.**

**Mark and Natalie Jackson - Made from Jack, another dude who I believe is the male playable character in another game. (Relation to Mark.)**

**Elliot and Julia Jerrick - Elliot's Japanese name(Eric) with a tad of Julia's name thrown in.**

**Sabrina Philbin - Oh, please. What's her dad's name?**


End file.
